adjective  1. having merit or value 2. deserving

     Easy answer: Duh! Of course I am. BUT (there is always a but) - what is holding me back? What prevents me from achieving my dreams and goals? Using techniques of affirmations, "The Secret" tool/Feeling the abundance, manifesting - are all wonderful tools - if there is an underlying feeling of not being deserving/worthy - none of it will come to fruition. So where does the underlying lack of worthiness come from?
I walk in gratitude knowing that I have some much (healthy, happy children, loving partner, relatively dry roof over my head (a slight leak from the celing after the storm was patched by the apartment management company!), clothing, food. The basics are taken care of. I work in a fulfilling career facilitating health for others. I am happy and fulfilled (most of the time). Do I receive my feelings of worth from parenting, helping patients/clients? Um...Yes. I have been indoctrinated into the belief that in order to be happy - do good for others. There is even a website www.dothedeed.org ! (Do the Deed is about attitude and action. Becoming more aware. Intentionally doing good for those around you. This site exists to celebrate and inspire a movement fueled by simple acts of kindness. The smallest deed can change a life. Together we can bring joy to the world. One deed at a time.) I have always taken this for the truth. We cannot live an egocentric existence and be happy. We are all a part of the macrocosm - we all have responsibility for our actions/deeds, our caring for our home (the earth planet), each other. This is my story and I am sticking to it!
     BUT (and there is always a but) Why can I do this for others and Not myself? Or at least not with a good helping of guilt to go along with it. Does the guilt prevent me from treating myself as I treat others?
The 10  commandments teach the Golden Rule - Treat Others as you would like to be treated. Why can I not treat myself as I treat others? Hm...Is this a mother thing? Putting children and everyone else first? Is it a Jewish guilt thing? Is this why I cringe internally when I see egocentric/self-entitled behavior?
     So then is this the time to delve internal - design a new paradigm, "I am worthy of the life I want!" Does this ring true? How many times must I say it to feel it? If it does not ring true - what underlying thought/belief must be unearthed and expunged?
Your  Thoughts?