Okay - according to the song - What becomes of a broken heart? (BTW who sang that?) - there isn't really an answer - it is more of the process of finding...some kind of perspective so - I've got to find some kind of Peace of Mind, baby. But how? How to get there?
   Thank you to all who sent words of support. It feels very far away and yet there is comfort knowing that people somewhere out there are rooting for me to get through this. I know somewhere in my psyche there is a Tool Box to deal with this (I help my clients/patients daily at home with their challenges/struggles) - it is always harder to turn the mirror on one's self to psychoanalyze - so I've gotta find a way....
   The Way is blocked by Ghouls & Monsters who are really stinky and gross (they have inocuous names like "Hopelessness", "Anger", "Resentment", "Fear" but don't let that fool you - they are SCARY and DANGEROUS). I know there must be some Good Witches & Angels that if I was sensible and in my power I could call on (They are quite lovely and powerful and have superpowers to heal and comfort and they have names like "Joy", "Hope", "Peace") but all I really want to do is go home - to my comfortable bed (sofa bed is KILLING MY BACK), my one quiet cat (This little apartment holds 2 yappy dogs and a cat and the smell is overwhelming), and the comfort of schedule (kids at school 7 hours a day, work, routine, it sounds so sweet!), my partner/husband - to support the challenges of raising kids, feeding/clothing/mediating/disciplining/comforting). so here I go - tapping my red sparkly shoes together - "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..." But unfortunately 6  days and then a 21 journey home remain before that wish is granted.
   So back to the way....The yellow brick road to PEACE....I suppose the missing piece in this puzzle which I have not shared is that I am 13 weeks pregnant - so the hormones and this unforgiving superhuman sense of smell and sensitivity that causes bile and acid to rise to to verge of emesis from trails of cigarette smoke, car exhaust, gas, pollutions, chemicals, thai food smells (don't understand it), urine, etc. In anycase, my sensitivity may in part be due to hormones, to 9 days of sleep deprivation (yes, I am finally over the jet lag - took 10 days) - so right now - I make a stand - HELP!!!!!! Hope, Peace, Joy, Patience come to me!!!!!
will keep you updated.....