Happy Mother's Day! Spent an Amazingly Perfect day in my friend, Maya Karasso's Living Library - a 4 terraced, garden of paradise in full bloom - with crevices and spaces to disappear, relax, rejuvenate. Lit a fire - roasted potatoes - disappeared into an afternoon of timelessness...
Was it uneventful? Not in the least. Approaching my 37th year, I imagined experimenting/learning how to light a fire in their firepit. I asked my almost 9 yr if she wanted to help. She was excited and her almost 9 yr old friend stated that she knew how to light a fire. I said, "Great - you can lead us." And what followed was my almost 9 yr. old complete BREAKDOWN! She sulked away to cry, cry, cry.
I tried to approach her and she stormed off. I went down to the garden, ate a plate of food, calmed myself - I mean really. REALLY - On Mother's Day? I so did not need want desire the drama. So I go back into the house and she is still (20 minutes later) Bawling. And she throws this at me, "When I am in Pain, you NEVER Nurture me!"
WHAT? SERIOUSLY?
The baby that I held for 18 months in attachment parenting/Maya Wrap mode, is saying that I Never Nurture her?
Besides being a acid-tinged dart through my heart, I realized this was the opportune time for life lessons. And really, in the whole scheme of things - what better time than Mother's Day?
I explained as well as I could. That I was sorry she felt that way. That it was beyond hurtful for me with my history of mothering her. And that whenever she hurts herself, I check with her to see her response, since day one of walking. Do you get up? Brush off and keep playing? Do you call for me? Because when you call for me, I am there- with kisses, hugs, Reiki, Touch Assists, ice, traumeel. arnica, everything!
Sometime in the last year or so (with the onset of Adolescence) she decided that I needed to read her mind. To know what she needs. I explained to her, that Communication is the only way to assure your needs are met and you are happy. People's biggest mistakes in relationships is making the Ass-u-me-ption that we can read each other's minds to know what the other person needs. This killed my parents' marriage and I see it in relationships around me. So to share this observation and behavior with my 9 yr old was invaluable.
She GOT IT!
Also - we talked about how Feelings are important. BUT - Feelings are not Facts. Feelings are our story/perception from a situation. And we have the power to change the story. You want to feel hurt, bad, sad - great! Feel it! But when it does not serve you - you have the power to change the story. Practice this on a daily basis and be free!
So - within the drama came the breakthroughts - there is no rest for the Mothers - even on Mother's Day!
Cheers!