So without excuses - I begin to blog again. There are those of my mother's generation that say that if you remember the 60's - then you probably weren't a part of the 60's. Well, the last year has been - sans narcotics and flowers in the hair - but still a whirlwind - that when I sit to recount remains a blur! Within this time period - I returned to daily coffee and sugar excess, lack of exercise - barring running after the 2 1/2 year old Tarzan daughter, and irregular eating habits - a.k.a. coffee with 2 sugars for breakfast, make kids breakfast (whole grain pancakes), while they eat, make the lunches. Drop them at school. Go to work or do errands. Maybe remember to shove something in my mouth around noon - or not. Pick girls up at 3 - and then possibly remember that I did or didn't eat and scarf something down - fruit, sandwich, leftovers. Take girls for fro-yo, go to park, come home make a dinner. And in between if I had to stop by Trader Joe's for food, grab a sample coffee (don't you love them?) with 2 more sugar packets. After dinner, get girls to bed - bath, brush teeth, books. And then - I would look at dinner, food, peace...
Okay - the dirt is out. I feel somewhat liberated...Actually embarrassed - The medicine woman who preaches regular eating habits, moderation, lifestyle - not only fell off the wagon - but rolled over to the nearest house of excess and has languished there for months!
So the fallout - no energy (without my coffee), no appetite (until kids are asleep), hi stress, and body aches - low back, shoulders, and particularly around my kidneys - mid back. Hormonal imbalances - needing to cry at every nostalgic commercial or moment. And feeling off - way way way off. Except after the coffee or sugar moment - when life is manageable and I am...SUPER WOMAN! And after the sugar spike passes - I am comatose on the bed looking at my children allowing them to play doctor on my reclining form...
So this new moon - I sat around a firepit with some sisters and realized that change begins now and I threw any concious fears into the fire and committed to healing the medicine woman so that she would be fit to heal others again. English? Starting Saturday - No Caffeine, No Sugar! (Friday night - I made sure to end my meal with a cappuchino with extra foam and extra sugar.)
Well today is Thursday and I am still alive. But Saturday was beyond challenging - basically I wanted to kill myself and everyone in the vicinity. A nagging aching headach wandered around my forehead and temples - reminding me that tomarrow is always a better day to start a cleanse than today... Saturday night I was ready to quit and to start anew on Sunday - but I persevered with sister support via telephone lines. Sunday through Tuesday I was depressed, the thought that life would never be "sweet" again couldn't be swept away with any mantra or positive affirmation - though I did try the "I am in love with my life" one with some results.
Wednesday woke up to my "moontime" - a period that was welcome as at least I realized why life seemed to dark and sad...
So here we are today - I honor the choice I made - I still miss the coffee - Trader Joe's is no fun anymore, and all bakeries need to be banned and shut down. But I will let you know how this progresses - there has to be light at the end of the tunnel...Right?