I've been in the dumps.
Got over some humps.
Now I'm feelin' real chipper
Did a 180 degree flipper,
Ready to sing tra'la'la,
So I'll share my "a-ha."

Okay - so a Whitmore or a Silverstein, I will never be. I am now in the 10 1/2 week point, looking towards the end of this trimester to feel like a new woman. For now, my patience for my husband and daughters is minimal. I am chanting, Patience and Peace like a mantra under my breath. The fact that my 6 1/2 year old gets angry that I repeat everything twice (at least), but she still doesn't do it. Ex. put on your shoes, let's go to school. (two minutes later). Hey Lishai, Put on your shoes PLEASE! (2 minutes later). LISHAI! FOR THE THIRD TIME - GET YOUR SHOES ON - WE'RE LATE! and then the million dollar response - OKAY!OKAY! STOP IT! (The "Stop it" kills me!).
The Energy is Ping Ponging back and forth. And I don't have the where with all to...Breathe...
Zen mama, serene mama is pregnant - pissed, and perturbed! And when I lose my temper - I feel nauseaus and agitated. So really it is in my best interest to remain calm. Ah- but there's the rub! Her 6 1/2 year old disgruntled employee routine turns me into the disgruntled, irate boss. Not professional at all (I chide myself), Not professional at all!

So where was the turn around you ask? Let me begin with some history....
About 4 1/2 years ago, my husband did a weekend seminar by Landmark Forum. It is basically a weekend, boot camp to change your life. And really what he got out of it was a huge realization and closure with his family, notably his dad. He had always been the "black sheep" of the bunch (1 of 4 kids) and he really got clear on his "story." Basically, Landmark Forum gives you a vocabulary to communicate and a perspective that you can use for the rest of your life. It is about living a life of integrity (being your word), stepping out of your "story" - "the stories" are your cumulative thoughts/memories from the past that have dictated your relationships - with yourself, your family, friends, work, etc. Those thoughts which were firmly established from childhood. Often times we are unable to live in the present and have a future, because we are so used to living in the past, with all the baggage. So  3 1/2 years ago - I was in a crisis with our marriage after 7 yrs of marriage, 1 kid (3yrs at the time) I wanted out! Dedi recommended I go do the Forum and really what I got out of the weekend was a renewed committment to the marriage. Now we have been married 11 years and I must say, our marriage is stronger, we are more in love and loving, and it is a beautiful partnership! In anycase, we have a common vocabulary to voice problems. If he starts channelling his dad - caustic, demeaning, aggressive. I can call him on it. And vice versa. So it is a wonderful tool. When I am depressed, in the dumps, at least I know that it is my choice, I am obviously getting some benefit from being miserable. It is hard to really get it, unless you do it. And it is very worthwhile. I have seen friends who have been in therapy for years, decades even, who get more out of the intensive weekend, than 20 years of once a week counselling! That being said, it ain't the be all end all.

My husband has been taking classes with a rabbi. He comes from a religious household. I do not. However, there are some gems that come from these classes. About a year or two ago, they did a series on marriage, coupledom and my favorite pearl was this. EVERY MAN WANTS TO BE THE KING OF HIS HOUSEHOLD. THE ONLY WAY A MAN CAN BE THE KING, IS IF HIS WIFE FEELS LIKE THE QUEEN. Yah Ladies, you heard me right. It is all dependent on us! If we are feeling neglected, demeaned, bitter, overworked, under appreciated = unqueenly, then the man can NOT be the king! The man then feels bad and the home is not happy. Well - this pearl really changed the way my husband treated me, treated our home. He started helping out - doing dishes, vacuming, laundry, complimenting me.

So this past week, I was feeling vulnerable, unappreciated, neglected, overwhelmed, overworked. All this "poor me" feelings. I know from landmark that it is all my story, but I couldn't get out of it. Dedi was caustic, stressed out (due to finances), aggressive, sarcastic. So I was withdrawing, which made him more bitter and distant. Well, enough is enough. I said, we need to talk - I am not feeling like The Queen. I didn't need to say much more than that. It was a short conversation. He got it. His attitude and demeanor shifted (and he did the dishes!). And I got 8 hours sleep. Hence, the feelin' chipper! attitude this morn.

I had been listening to the same course on tape (given to me by the mom of Ellah's daycare provider). And it takes alot from the Kabbalah. I agree with some of it; some of it makes for nice metaphor - but the interpretation can be a bit sexist and generalist- at least to my secular thinking. That is not to say, there are not some pearls!
There is one lesson on "Shalom Bayit" - or Peace in the Home. The lesson is this -If there is Peace within (the individual is working on his/herself), then there can be Peace within the Home - which brightens, enlightens the world. My interpretation - We are all energetic beings of light, the light that two people in a caring, peaceful relationship produce has the potential to shift the global energy map. Even if you don't buy all this - peace in the house is good for your kids!

Stress causes illness. The body under stress is weakens the immune system, disrupts organ systems, affects sleep, disrupts digestion/elimination. Stress, I believe is the primary cause of illness. I always ask my clients - do you have stress - relationship, work, health, finances? There are people who worry/stress about EVERYTHING, there are those you don't. It is definitely worthwhile to look at your life - see where the stress is coming from. And use tools that are available to shift your perspective/consciousness. Because stress is a perception.  If you are stressed, you obviously are benefiting from it. But if it is making you sick. Then it is time for a shift in conciousness. I know that worrying about money, does not help. It brings in more lack of money (boy do I have stories for you!). Worrying about health, death, work, kids, well from my experience with hundreds of patients and my own life - worry just leads to deteriorating health. Positive action steps in mind and body are the way to go.
So I leave you with this - "Don't worry, Be Happy" and if you choose to worry - at least acknowledge that you are choosing to worry. It is your choice. So when you decide to be healthy, happy, hopeful - well then that will be your choice as well!
Peace, acumomma